A room, a life of one's own

I am swamped with work for school...and thats exactly when other life bits get interesting...or become a little overwhelming.

I have a hard time concentrating when the boys get back from school with appetites that baking can fill, and the groceries need doing, the toilet needs a scrub, the floor needs vacuuming, the dinner needs to be cooked, sons hockey and basketball games need to be cheered on, their snowboarding lessons need a driver, appointments need to be kept,  the emails need to be replied to and things I promise in those emails need to get done...

...family and friends need to be seen ( a lovely respite, but at times like these I feel a need to be caved up to get anything real done) Then there's my blog, which I enjoy so much, as its an outlet for writing and communicating with people all over the world - but this too requires effort and attention.

To help reign in this chaos, we just changed rooms around the house - with the result that I no longer have to clear away all my things off the dining room table to eat dinner. So nice to be able to keep things on my desk - and to tame my bad habit of desk-chaos in times like these - I made an effort to keep things relatively neat - a calm corner in these weeks of MAYHEM...hence the pic. Whats that? noooo... i did not tidy up before this pic...ok, maybe a little bit.

It may not be fancy, but as Virginia Woolf once said " A woman needs a room of her own to write..." (i think she also said money...and well, thats not happening...yet...) Maybe Virginia finally got published after she went from the kitchen table to a room of her own...hmm, a girl's got to dream...

Another pressure - I coordinate (along with a team of fabo volunteers) a Breakfast program at the local public school  - we need a new fan in one of the fridges, a new stove...a new toaster...the caretaker has not hung up our bulletin board and he got the request in December...( i doubt he wants to read my blog, so I am safe here) volunteers get sick or go on holiday or ....but I am thankful that by and large this thing is still kicking - and not thanks to me but to everyone else - kids that need breakfast for whatever reason, can come to school early and get nourished, brain, body and soul - our morning volunteers are marvellous that way.

But still, I fell pressure, deadlines looming, people calling,  and we have to get packed up for our Florida road trip next week - when it rains it pours, and pours... 

Writing about it is like a release valve - that and my mini meditation practice (I need further training, but it works), my home-made yoga practice (it is getting down to basics as classes are not in the budget at this time...but soon!) oh, and breathing....

All that, and knowing that I am going somewhere with all this...I have a happy destination  - I have a goal to be a certified ESL teacher and I am half way through!  and....

We are going to be on the Gulf of Mexico in a little cottage starting next week for 7 days - a time to read books on the beach of my own choosing, amongst other things - like sand castle making, dolphin spotting, swimming, watching my kids skim board, grocery shopping at Winn Dixie ( i love seeing how culture is revealed in different packaging and products), eating Lighthouse donuts (coconut key lime - better than Tim Hortons my dear Canadian friends, yes, I said that...) drinking Coronas with lime...and maybe visiting an aligator or two on a tour of the everglades...and who knows what we'll see on the drive down and back up ? I love exploring, I love unintended side trips - i love being with my kids who are as excited as I am to be on vacation (may not last, so I will savour this...) I love seeing my husband relax.

Such things to look forward to ! - they help me carry on, help me ride the anxiety and pressure and get things done because I see the wonderful vision beyond the grind. Step by step...bird by bird...

This is how I work well:  by doing bits and pieces and stirring them into a chaotic pot to simmer into a good skeleton - then work work work to give life to this skeleton - working by the seat of my pants preferably, when the pressure is so great nothing can distract me ( thats the cave stage) - and I need to see the big picture for a project, for life...Only until I see the big picture am I willing to fill in all the supporting details - and liking that big picture helps. a lot. And that room of my own? a collector of the little bits, a room for the skeletol ideas, a place to stir the pot...Duty? I do not work from that seat. Responsibility and committment to things I find important? That is the chair I sit on.

goodness I am all over the place with this one - can't concentrate, got work simmering...must get back to it...

It is such a privilege to have things to look forward to, to be able to work towards one's dreams, and to have the support of those around you and ultimately, the support of self -  to have the inner... freedom and motivation to do this. I am grateful for this time in my life.

And now I've got to get back to work in this room of my own before these dreams come crashing in on me.